Understanding our Children

The world for our children has changed way beyond that of the one we as parents grew up in. Children today are more aware than ever of the huge and many global issues we face; they find themselves in an unprecedented technological age, which has led to an overexposure and addiction to digital devices and social media which has in turn created an unrelenting pressure to be seen as ‘perfect’; similarly, academically, they are under more pressure than ever to perform and achieve; not to mention the effects of the last few years! All of this has resulted in a stark rise in youth mental health issues. Understanding our children and the challenges they are facing is the first step towards helping them to manage any issues but it can be hard to find the right help and support, especially when the pressure on our services is also growing. Here we’ve compiled a one-stop library of resources, from books and magazines, websites and experts, designed to help parents and carers understand and support our youngest hearts and minds. This is very much a blog in process, so if you have any further recommendations, we’d love to hear them.

Books

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read – Philippa Perry

Every parent wants their child to be happy and every parent wants to avoid screwing them up. But how do you achieve that? Full of sage and sane advice, in this absorbing, clever and funny book, renowned psychotherapist Philippa Perry tells us what really matters and what behaviour it is important to avoid - the vital dos and don'ts of parenting. Instead of mapping out the 'perfect' plan, Perry offers a big-picture look at the elements that lead to good parent-child relationships. This refreshing, judgement-free book will help you to:

· Understand how your own upbringing may affect your parenting

· Accept that you will make mistakes and learn what you can do about them

· Break negative cycles and patterns

· Handle your own and your child's feelings

· Understand what different behaviours communicate

The Little Book of Values – Julie Duckworth

The Little Book of Values explores twenty-two values that can be taught through schools and indeed the whole community. The book will inspire you by using examples of where values are being used by children and adults in schools already and shares practical tools to stimulate discussion and philosophical debate. It will also help people to take stock of their own values and how they wish to lead their lives. Megan aged 10 said: 'Values are not simply words. They are skills we are learning for life and when I grow up I will remember to have them with me and use them to help me live a happy life.'

Mindset: Changing the Way You Think to Fulfil Your Potential – Dr Carol S Dweck

Dweck explains why it's not just our abilities and talent that bring us success-but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. She makes clear why praising intelligence and ability doesn't foster self-esteem and lead to accomplishment, but may actually jeopardize success. With the right mindset, we can motivate our kids and help them to raise their grades, as well as reach our own goals-personal and professional. Dweck reveals what all great parents, teachers, CEOs, and athletes already know: how a simple idea about the brain can create a love of learning and a resilience that is the basis of great accomplishment in every area.

Get Out of My Life – Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks

This bestselling survival manual is for parents who find themselves marooned among volatile and incomprehensible aliens on Planet Teen. It looks at all the difficult issues of bringing up teenagers - school, sex, drugs and more. But it's the title of the second chapter, 'What They Do and Why' that best captures the book's spirit and technique, explaining how to translate teenage behaviour into its true, often less complicated meaning. One key mistake, for instance, is getting in no-win conflicts instead of having the wisdom to shut up when shutting up would be the most effective - albeit least satisfying - thing to do. The message is clear: parenting adolescents is inherently difficult. Don't judge yourself too harshly!

We Need to Talk: A Straight-Talking Guide to Raising Resilient Teens – Ian Williamson

How do you talk to your teen when their only focus is the screen in front of them? How do you help them to build a core of self-esteem in a world obsessed with appearances? In this empathetic, down to earth and eminently practical guide from one of the UK’s leading adolescent psychoanalysts, Ian Williamson will help you through every possible hurdle in the teenage years. Covering topics from behaviour and relationships to crime and gaming it features top tips and takeaway advice with realistic solutions that you can put into practice right away. We Need to Talk is a go-to-guide to navigating the often tricky adolescent years, with the endgame being what every parent wants: a healthy, happy and resilient child.

How To Have Incredible Conversations with Your Child - Jane Gilmour and Bettina Hohnen:

You: "How was your day?" Your child: "Fine." As a parent, you want to know what is going on in your child's life, how school and friendships are going, if they're feeling okay. As a kid you want to tell your parent what's going on, but it can be hard to find the words. This book is brilliant because it makes finding those words easy, and you discover incredible stuff about each other. How exactly do you make it happen? This accessible guide answers the million-dollar question by steering you, step by step through carefully supported and structured conversational platforms that encourage connection and strengthen relationship bonds. Written by two top clinical psychologists who have worked with families over many years they have, uniquely, designed it for you to read and experience, together. Inside this book you will find a range of fun, illustrated child-friendly conversation activities, organised around four key themes: who are you? how are you? what helps? what gets in the way? There is powerful evidence that building good parent-child communication skills improves emotional wellbeing, physical health, academic and employment success. It helps set up a trusting relationship so you can navigate adolescence and later life successfully. It's important to start early because it takes time to learn skills.

When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Parents & Worried Kids - Abigail Gewirtz

Recommended by A Mighty Girl, this book feels so so relevant right now! Kids love to ask questions that are difficult to answer and which leave us floundering for the correct thing to say, often even worrying days afterwards that we handled the conversation all wrong. This book gives parents the tools to help them navigate those tricky conversations with their kids around the big stuff. Though it is primarily written for an American audience it does cover many universal topics including racism, Covid-19, bullying, climate change and social justice. Using real world examples, talking points and helpful asides, you’ll learn how to frame difficult issues in an age appropriate way, enabling your child to process big emotions and better express their feelings.

Head 2 Hearts Books – Clare Luther

This award-winning series of children’s stories for head and heart provide useful ways for kids to think their emotions and actions through, as well as get meaningful conversations started at an early age via the three questions at the back of each. Aimed at children aged 3-8 years, the books are beautifully illustrated, well researched and relatable, helping them to understand themselves better. Free downloadable resource packs with book-related activities and crafts designed to help further conversations are also available online. www.head2heartbooks.com

Experts

Dr Martha Deiros Collado

Clinical psychologist and other, Dr Martha Deiros Collado is all about connection over perfection. Recommended by our followers, her content is great for helping you to reframe everyday communication with your children as well as normalising emotions and feelings. She also works with families on a private basis helping people overcome and understand issues including anxiety, low mood, anger and behavioural challenges; body image; relationship difficulties; identity, gender and sexual diversity; coping and living with physical illness in your family; bereavement support; and educational and developmental assessments. Follow her on Instagram at www.instagram.com/dr.martha.psychologist or visit her website for more information here.

Suzy Reading

Author, psychologist and counsellor specialising in stress and change, this is the third time Suzy has made an appearance in our A-Z! She is pretty special, providing so many valuable skills and coping strategies which can help children traverse modern life! We highly recommend her book, Stand Tall Like a Mountain, for families. Specifically designed to help parents empower their children to learn tools for dealing with everyday emotions and express how they are feeling; develop tools for nourishment and coping with challenges; as well as fun and easy yoga poses to promote positive feelings it’s a wellbeing bible we can’t live without! www.suzyreading.co.uk

Natalie Costa

With over ten years experience in teaching and education, Natalie is all too familiar with the struggles, pressures and demands that children face. She has observed how easily children become disengaged when they are faced with a difficult task; how quickly they feel they CAN’T do something, simply because it’s more challenging to achieve; how anxious and overwhelmed they feel with the ever-increasing demands from the curriculum and from society as a whole, feeling the pressure to conform to what everyone else is doing, the pressure to ‘fit in’. She has witnessed children give up too quickly and beat themselves up because they have made a mistake and gotten things wrong. Their confidence diminished because they did not get the correct score or they are not part of the ‘in-crowd’. She has seen children play small, unwilling to trust themselves to “have a go”, and as one child stated, “My worries make me feel as if I’m a tortoise stuck in a shell.” She knows that practical, insightful instruction is needed which is why she developed Power Thoughts specifically to help children arrest their negativity and anxiety when it comes to their academic work and natural growing pains like making friends, their body images, dealing with conflict, moving on and making change. Natalie offers a teaching, coaching and mindfulness based service which is aimed at empowering children to tap in to the ‘power’ of their minds. Through her sessions they are taught how to become confident, resilient and robust, developing a ‘can-do’ attitude that allows them to flourish both in and out of the classroom setting. www.powerthoughts.co.uk

Pam Cottman

A former assistant head teacher, and writer for Psychologies Magazine, Pam Cottman is a highly experienced resilience coach and trainer with 14 years of coaching under her belt. Pam offers workshops and training for both schools and parents. After returning from her first maternity leave she asked the school counsellor what the common thread was when it came to the many issues she had to deal with. Her answer was simple: a lack of resilience! That one conversation changed Pam’s thinking and she immersed herself in research around resilience, learning about the already available programmes, and the practical strategies that had real impact: mindfulness, self-care, and collaboration! Today she uses her knowledge and experience as a leader, a teacher and a trainer; a coach, a colleague and a passionate believer in putting people first, to facilitate positive change in teams, leaders, schools and workplaces building resilience and ultimately mental wellbeing. www.pamcottman.com

Courses

MindUp

Designed to empower children using mindful practices, helping them to thrive in school, work and life, as well broadening their emotional bandwidth, MindUp was created by Hollywood legend, Goldie Hawn! Yes really! Based on neuroscience and mindful practice, MindUp equips children with the skills and knowledge they need to regulate their stress and emotion, form positive relationships, and act with kindness and compassion. From mindful listening, seeing, hearing smelling, tasting and movement, there are a host of videos available to watch for free on the website. www.mindup.org

The Parent Collaborative

This Parenting Consultancy deals with parents on a 1:1 basis, in person and online, as well as delivering parenting workshops and courses. Their primary goal is to support families as they navigate the sometimes choppy waters of parenthood. As Early Years Specialists, they do not subscribe to a ‘one size fits all’ approach to parenting. They believe that like families, each and every child is unique yet as educators, however, they are aware that there is a road map for child development which they know, understand and can also help to explain. As much as there are clear paths through, there are also common pitfalls that can be avoided. Underpinning all of their work is the aim of supporting parents to support their children, whilst promoting positive mental health and well-being from the ‘Early Years’ onwards. www.theparentcollaborative.co.uk

Websites

Parent Talk

Parent Talk is an online hub run by Action for Children. Designed as a down-to-earth parenting advice it offers support around mental and emotional wellbeing. Parents can browse their advice articles, all created or curated by professional parenting coaches. Or they can speak directly to a coach via their one-to-one live chats. They also offer a regional live chat service. It’s all free and not topic is too small, big, or taboo! https://parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/

Magazines

In addition to the above books, magazines such as The Week Junior, First News and Families often have articles around parenting as well as difficult subjects which may be in the news and which you’re struggling to talk to your children about.

U is for Understanding